流星·雨

做学生的永远不用担心节日不节日，因为必然会放假，工作了每天都期盼放假。

但是放假似乎也放不太平。本来想休息的，电话又来了，别人是爱情呼叫转移，我是工作呼叫转移。一个电话，马上要屁颠屁颠的去上班。抓狂……

现在少有人像我这么敬业了，当然也很想时不时的偷懒，因为我不想成为工作狂。我骨子里也不是工作狂的料。每天你想敬业的时候不一定别人也会跟你一样敬业，每天赔笑，热脸贴别人冷屁股的日子确实是一种煎熬。原因很简单，我不是发工资的，发工资的一句话，我要花百倍的精力去周旋，这叫什么事。

我的目标是在一天做好一天的事情。这是我的职责。职责之外的事情就不能再管了。

一直很低迷，时好时坏。似乎没什么事情是快乐的，也没什么事情是不快乐的。

有时竟然想着为什么要这样工作着，似乎毫无意义，日复一日的重复着，找不到任何感觉，没有任何激情，像个机器一样，一开就转，不开不转。有人说我把工作分的太清楚了，我也不知道为什么，可能历经不同领导，接触过不同人的习惯。我开始在做每件事之前瞻前顾后，什么是我要做的，什么是我不该做的，开始不断的反省，担心与胆小。还没开始就担心犯错。

生活一下子连个有共同语言的人都没有。精神涣散，一旦停下来有空余的时间就开始不断的胡思乱想。最好每天都把工作排得满满的，不要让人有太多的遐想的空间。工作了就为了好好的过日子，有人为了买房，有人为了买车，有人为了娶妻生子，一切都那么实实在在。而我呢？一下子变得无欲无求了。

How many times I think I will leave, but I am still there.

How many times I think I am so sad, but life is cruel, you have no choice.

How many times I have cried, but the only thing you can change is waiting.

How many times I have imaged, but the whole situation is poor,you just need to fight for tomorrow.

最近比较颓废，人也变得更沉默寡言，一直想要忙碌来麻痹自己，不想想太多。原本对什么都很好奇，现在也无心去好奇，难道真的说好奇心会害死猫，可我并不是猫啊！

       不管这么多了，我们不需要想太多，未来的路太长了，想不到这么远。做好眼前的，不管别人怎么看，虽然给甩来甩去N次了，心理多多少少也是有点小疙瘩的，老觉得快要待不下去了，但是不管怎么样，我们需要磨练，那先把皮给磨得更厚一点吧，但并不是蛮干，我们有梦还是要追一追，虽然会失去很多东西。放弃了几次机会，并不是我不努力，只是知道现在还不够成熟，即便上去了，还是会摔的很惨，老板貌似很有看法，对着我的沉默寡言，他没有办法，诶，也不知道会不会给抄鱿鱼。走一步是一步了，我们没有太多的选择的时候还是很会爆发的。现在这个年头，销售并不好做，也并不是所有的人都是做销售的料，老板总是希望看到我们热血沸腾的样子，而我现在只是看到的是我将青春葬送在老板剥削的利刀下，不过老板的压力肯定也大的不得了。

       我们没有办法理解老板，老板也别老是想着看穿我们，彼此要留有一点剩余的空间，也许会更好。彼此都往“钱”看，就比较头疼了。

2009-02-08 insomnia came to see me again and I pondered a lot...

When I was a pupil, I used to make dreams for my future: to be a famous scientist or a well-known writer. Maybe most the children in China have the same experiences. Then to have the dreams come true, we were told to study harder and harder by our parents and teachers. The only standard to evaluate a student is the grade: full-mark means excellent, nineties express good...Yes, I was obey the rules above and do the things step by step until one day I come to the reality that what I have had is not what I dreamed. What a shame!

Now graduated from the university I seem to become an engineer. Just now I still don’t have a clear concenption of the word “engineer”. Maybe its rank is below the “scientist” and surely I can say it must have nothing to do with the “writer”.

Never complain about the unfair fate and struggle for what you want.

Friends and colleagues around me all have the faith: money is everything. The boy told me that he is so “poor” that no girls would fall in love with him; the girl also whisper to me that the basic condition she picking boys is the power of economy. Suddenly I feel I am an absolute fool sinking in the fairy tale. The reality is too hard for me to understand.

To consider more over, perhaps it is my own fault? I am too high-hearted--usually look down upon mammonists and laugh at their vain glory. Hardly can I have the same opinion with the mass. I reinstate lonely building my fairy castle. One brick, two bricks,...narrowing the lite circle and be reclusive.